


The Drive Back Home

by phylavell



Category: Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4557207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phylavell/pseuds/phylavell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes. I know it's strange. It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you.</i>
</p><p>You know how when you break a plate you can never properly put it back together? Scott doesn't believe that. However, as he delves further into each crack he finds that even determination can't fix everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prince of a Failing Empire

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to the #sinsquad (Scott and Safa), to Kirby for keeping me writing this, and to those of you who we haven't met yet.
> 
> Same rules apply: please tell me if anything's wonky and if anything sounds OOC so it can be fixed.

There’s a crush of old gravel under his boot as he steps through the overgrown yard of an abandoned facility that had been reported to have been involved with Project X. The team had made significant progress in assuring nothing of it would ever surface again, but a report had come in and it was always best to play it safe. He sees Logan at his side eyeing the place with an extreme caution.

“Don’t think anyone’s been in there for a long time,” Logan says as he tilts his head forward, listening, “we’re not alone, though.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Logan gives him a quick grin, “Haven’t outgrown the leading role have ya, Slim?”

Scott finds himself giving his teammate an equal grin, “Wouldn’t be fun if I had.”

The rest of the team finds their way to them and they all head closer to the building. As Logan had predicted, several hostiles appeared and as far as threats went, they weren’t very high on the list. It wasn’t until they brought out the bigger guns that Logan found himself grunting and yelling in Ororo’s direction.

“Where the hell is Gambit?”

“I do not know!” She yells from his upper left. She focuses her energies on a quick but efficient water fall that would allow her team to gain the upper hand. They continue the battle and soon Logan stands next to Rogue as she cradles her wrist.

“Almost cut my hand off,” she mumbles as she twists her closed fist around.  Ororo flies down in front of them.

“Did you ever find Gambit?” Ororo asks as Anna turns to look up at her.

“No,” Logan says as he turns to give the area a scan. Scott is gesturing up ahead for them to follow him towards the building.  The recon mission goes as well as it can. The facility checks out as a non-threatening area and the team makes their way back to the ship that brought them to the small island.

Scott stands on the ramp of the ship as he watches each member of his team climb aboard. Logan is the last to step onto the ramp and he stands directly in front of Scott.

“We can’t find Gambit.”

Scott rolls his eyes from beneath his visor, “He just vanished?”

“He never said he was leaving, no one saw him leave,” Logan shrugs as he and Scott turn to watch the beach coast of the small island.

“Well wait for him,” Scott says before turning to take a step back into the ship, “if he doesn’t show up in an hour or so, then we’ll have to come back with better sets of eyes.”

Logan nods and steps back up into the ship. Scott follows.

The team remains on the island for another three hours. They await their teammate’s return but it never comes. When Scott finally decides to take the team back to their base, the sun has completely set.

They arrive at the Xavier mansion and proceed to go their separate ways. Scott and Ororo make their way to the main entrance and Scott nearly laughs out loud when his boot taps against a playing card.

“Jack of diamonds. I found him,” Scott holds up the card and Ororo gives a slight shake of her head.

“Not very like him,” she says as they step through and head down the hallway.

“Must have been a real emergency, then,” Scott shrugs as he and Ororo split up down a hallway.

 

* * *

 

Scott frowns at the phone receiver before he brings it up to his mouth, “Hey, it’s me again. Uh, do us all a favour and pick up your god damn phone? Anna’s been wanting to talk to you. Hell, even Logan’s been asking about you. I’ve also been trying to reach you, you know. Call me back.”

“Anything?” Logan sits down across from Scott on the small sofa in the mansion’s foyer. Scott shakes his head.

“No. He won’t pick up and the few contacts that we know he has claim to not have seen him in months,” Scott hangs the phone up before reaching up to rub his eyes beneath his glasses.

“He’ll turn up, Slim. Don’t get so worried,” Logan raises his beer bottle towards Scott before taking a drink.

“I worry when someone on my team goes missing, Logan. It’s kind of what I’m supposed to do,” Scott frowns and reaches for the phone again.

“I’m starting to think that’s not entirely why you’re worried,” there’s a look in Logan’s eyes that Scott knows all too well. Scott gives a choked laugh before slamming the phone back down onto its receiver.

“We’re a man short and you think this is about me getting off?” Scott’s voice is dripping with words he can’t bring himself to say.

Logan laughs before standing up from his spot on the small sofa, “Okay, Scott. I believe you.”

Scott watches Logan go and he feels himself blush.

“Be ready to leave in an hour!” Scott yells after Logan as he holds his face in a vain attempt to cool the warmth in his face.

When he’s with his team again Scott attempts to push the conversation with Logan more or less out of his mind. They’re investigating a building that randomly went down. They’d found the random explosion’s origins to be of a generator that powered half the building. However there was no bomb. They found nothing else that could have caused an explosion.

Scott is mid conversation with Emma when his attention is taken by Shadowcat’s voice.

“Uh, I don’t want to raise any false accusations, but-” Kitty holds up a king of diamonds as she speaks. Logan approaches her and takes the card from her hands. He stares at the card for an entire minute before turning back to the rest of the team.

“We know who this belongs to.”

 

* * *

 

Scott would ordinarily be okay with investigating every single explosion in the next few months. He sees no problem in helping certain communities better themselves. The only problem with these investigations is that they keep finding playing cards.

“I need you to answer me. I don’t know what the hell is happening and I need to speak with you. It’s been nearly six months and there’s been no sign of you other than these stupid cards that we’re not even sure are yours? I- I need to know what this means, Remy. I need to know you’re alive.”  
  
Scott hangs up the phone again as the footsteps ring outside of the study. He buries his head in his hands for a moment as he brings himself to think of the brewing conflict between the members of his team.

Logan, Ororo, and Kitty are absolutely sure that the person who’s been causing all the random death and destruction is Remy. Scott, Anna, and Emma are absolutely sure it’s not. Scott had excused himself from a fight to make that same phone call.

_You saw the cards._

_Yes, but if he had any intention of deceiving us, I would have known._

_He could have had some sort of mental block, Emma! You know as well as I do that he always has some trick up his sleeve._

_Listen to me as I’m speaking, Logan. I. Would. Have. Known._

_You’re that desperate to prove yourself to Scott?_

_Excuse you?_

_Agreeing with Scott isn’t going to make him trust you any more than he already does._

Kitty had stepped into the mix and had a hand on Logan’s chest and another hand on Emma’s shoulder when Scott stepped out of the room. He rubs at his temples as another wave of concern rushes through him. It’s for a different reason, but it’s the same concern nonetheless. He picks up the phone again.

“Hey, it’s me again…”

* * *

 

Another series of unanswered phone calls and a small collection of playing cards later brings the team to their current mission. Scott had let himself hope there would be an answer at this investigation due to the fact that an actual bomb had been reported. While that made him feel no better that people had died, it did soften the clench in his stomach when he thought about who might be behind everything.

Scott and Logan are on the 8th floor of the building, the final floor that had not collapsed in on itself, checking on the makeup of the walls when Scott sees Logan’s head shoot up.

“Someone’s down there,” Logan jumps off the floor and Scott scans the area below before a breath catches in his throat. He’s seeing what Logan had sensed. He’s only managed to catch the tail end of a trench coat. The clench in his stomach pulls tighter on itself and Scott has to step backwards and balance himself back on the wall. He takes a few deep breaths before deciding to head back downstairs with the rest of his team. He reaches Ororo first, but says nothing. Anna begins explaining something about the bomb they found and how it hadn’t gone off.

Of course it didn’t.

Logan approaches their small group faster than Scott would have liked and unaccompanied. They share a look before Logan steps beside Ororo.

“You planning on telling them?”

“We all saw you jump,” Kitty sounds disappointed.

“We saw who you had gone after,” Ororo steps away from the group. Scott stares at the ground in silence as the remainder of the team follows Storm.

“I wanted to be wrong, Slim. There’s not a lot of people we can count on and it’s disappointing to know we’ve lost one,” Logan puts his hand on Scott’s back as he speaks.

“We haven’t. We don’t know who it was,” Scott looks to the side and meet’s Logan’s eyes, “All we saw was the back of a trench coat. Lots of people wear them.”

“Fair enough. But how many people do we know of wear trench coats and carry these around?” Logan holds up another playing card. Scott’s mouth drops slightly as he stares at the jack of spades.  His mind begins rejecting the obvious link. He’s silent the entire way home.

 

* * *

 

Anna sits with him in the study. She’s the one on the phone.

  “I need you to answer me, sugar. We don’t know where you are or where you’ve been for the past year and then some- what?” she looks up at Scott who’s holding up two fingers, “two? Two years. No one has heard from you. We’ve all gone out to search and we’ve found nothin’. Please answer and tell us what’s happenin’. Scott and I, we’ll listen. We know you and we know there’s a lot of good in you. You’ve gotta have a reason, right? Please, just answer.”

She hangs up the phone and brushes her hair out of her face.

“We don’t know if it was him,” Scott’s tone only barely implies argument.

“I know. But you also can’t pretend you didn’t see,” Anna shrugs and stands up from the chair, “he’ll come up, Scott. For all we know he’s caught up in a long con or something. You know how he is.”

“Yeah. But even then,” Scott doesn’t know what else to say. He shakes his head and is about to speak when Logan comes in through the door. Anna turns to face Logan.

“There’s been another. It’s him,” Logan and Anna share a look.

“Get the team ready to go in three minutes,” Scott orders as he stands and rushes past Logan.

It had been another similar case. A random explosion killing dozens of people, certain things missing from the building, and of course, a playing card.

“What do you think happens when we have a full deck?” Logan asks as he pulls the stack of cards from a pocket.

“I don’t know,” Scott says sincerely as he steps through an empty hallway. He takes the lead as Logan looks up at the ceiling.

“There’s someone up there,” Logan turns and makes a dash back for the stairs with Scott in tow. The two are on the upper floor within seconds and now Scott can hear the thumping sound. They approach the room it’s coming from with caution. They’re pressed up against the wall as Logan quickly turns to look in through the doorway.

“It’s empty,” he says despite the thumping noise. The two step into the empty room and make their way to a set of long cabinets, the source of the noise. Logan gestures to the third of the cabinets and Scott nods as he approaches the door. There’s a slashing noise that Scott knows is Logan readying himself for anything. Scott holds his left hand out with three fingers out that he counts down before opening the door and ducking to the side.

There’s another loud thump and another slashing noise. Scott turns back and Logan’s staring down at their missing teammate with a confused expression on his face. Scott leaps forward, his mind going a mile a minute, and kneels down. Logan follows suit while Scott rolls Remy onto his back.

The two ignore the smell coming from the man as Scott leans forward and presses two fingers to the man’s throat, “He’s breathing. He’s alive.”

“How the hell did he get in there?” Logan asks as he reaches out to open one of the man’s eyes. His fingers don’t make it near the man’s face when Remy’s eyes shoot open and his arms attempt to grab at Scott and Logan.

“Gambit!” Scott ducks a random fist and takes a hold of the man’s arm before pressing it down, “Where have you been?”  
  
Remy is unresponsive and there’s a series of murmurs coming from him that neither kneeling man can understand. Logan stares down at the man with an unreadable expression before pulling his hand back and delivering a precise blow that makes Remy stop flailing.

“You won’t get anything from him,” Logan replies before Scott can ask, “There’s something in his system. It’s not familiar so I can’t tell you what it is, but he’s not here right now.”

Scott grunts and runs a hand through his hair, “Okay. Let’s go, I’d say we got what we came for.”

Anna nearly cries when she sees Scott approaching the rest of the group with their missing teammate in his arms.

“What happened!?” She yells as she rushes towards them. Kitty and Ororo are not far behind.

“I’m not sure,” Scott says as he looks down at the man in his arms, “we found him in a cabinet on the seventh floor.”

“Looks like he’s been runnin’,” Anna comments.

“Smells like it, too,” Logan turns away from their direction, “Smelled him from a floor below.”

“So do you really think he’s the one who’s been doing all of this?” Kitty asks on their way back to the mansion.

“Blown things up in order to steal?” Logan asks, “He’s a thief.”

“But not a murderer,” Ororo shakes her head.

“Then who did all of this?” Scott asks as he looks over to Remy’s unconscious form. Scott remains quiet for the remainder of the trip back.

 

* * *

 

There’s a blur of lights as his eyes try and remain open for more than a few seconds. His head is pounding, his lips are dry, and there’s something he _needs._ He doesn’t know what it is but it’s irritating him. With a grunt he rubs at his eyes and the lights begin fading into actual forms and he stares up at a rounded ceiling. That’s new, he thinks.

He slowly manages to swing his legs over the cot he lies in and rests his head in his hands as he tries to resist the wave of nausea. His hair falls slightly over his shoulder and he tugs at the roots for a few moments to assure himself that he’s awake and not in another dream. When he finally looks up he sees a familiar face, but that rarely phases him anymore.

“Another?” he says with a monotone, “I can tell when they’re fake, you know,” he buries his face in his hands before looking back up at Wolverine. Remy frowns.

“Of all people you should know that Wolverine is the least likely to come looking,” there’s a hitch in his voice that Remy does his best to pass off as a cough. Logan doesn’t disappear and there’s a small feeling in Remy’s chest that he immediately represses.

“I know I’m not getting out. You can stop sending me images of my friends, now,” he holds his head as he stares down at the ground. He counts to five before looking back at the clear door of the cell before a pang in his chest urges him to his feet, “I said stop!”

Logan doesn’t flinch as a set of buttons from Remy’s trench coat fly in his direction. What does make Logan react however, is that they don’t explode.

“Shit,” Logan says it in nearly a whisper, “what happened to you?”

Remy backs up against the wall and stares wide-eyed at Logan, “You’re-”

“This isn’t a dream, it’s real. You’re back at the Xavier mansion,” Logan’s expression softens slightly as he grows genuinely concerned.

“When- How?” Remy doesn’t move from his position on the wall.

“We found you in a cabinet on the seventh floor of a building that specialized in the making of a dangerous chemical. What I need to know now is where you were before that,” Logan crosses his arms and stares down at what he’s calling the shell of a man he used to know. There was no arrogance in Remy’s step, no confidence in his voice, and even his accent has even more or less faded.

“I don’t know. There was a room like this, and- I don’t know,” Remy finishes as he stares at the ground, his eyes still widened.

Logan sighs and nods, “That’s fine. We’ll get that sorted. Just try and relax, you’re okay. You’re here with the team.”

Remy doesn’t reply and Logan makes his exit. Scott sits at a small desk in an adjacent room that Logan steps into.

“Enough for ya, Slim?” Logan passes by Scott and Scott remains silent.

“What happened to you?” Scott whispers at the mission report he has in front of him.

The fix came as Logan had promised. Emma Frost had been brought into the cell with Logan and Scott as back up and she now sat in front of Remy on the cot.

“We need to know exactly what happened,” Scott instructs and Emma nods.

“I’ve done this before, Scott. It’s okay. I know what to look for and what I can’t touch,” she reaches out and puts her right hand on Remy’s temple and shuts her eyes.

Scott and Logan watch her facial expressions change into various stages of uncomfort for a few minutes before she finally pulls back and gives them a pained look.

“I got it. And it’s not pretty,” she stands in front of Scott, “You should also consider not treating him like a prisoner. He’s done nothing wrong,” she stands and exits the cell and Logan follows her. Scott remains standing in the cell. Remy’s been staring at the ground and something inside Scott can’t help but feel sorry for the man.

“You can come, you know,” Scott finally says but he receives no response. He tries again, “Hey,” Scott reaches down and puts his hand on Remy’s shoulder. That gets a reaction but Scott hadn’t counted on not being able to recognize the face that turned to him. Remy looked like he was in some sort of pain. A different feeling rose up in Scott’s chest and he finds himself standing and heading out the door.

“The door’ll stay open. This is as much your home as it is anyone else’s.”

Scott doesn’t look back but instead heads to the adjacent room where Logan and Emma are. He walks in to where she’s describing the room Remy had mentioned.  

“It’s like something out of a horror movie, honestly. It’s not even anything high-tech. Everything around is stolen and the building itself is probably an abandoned warehouse or something similar,” her eyes move to acknowledge Scott’s presence before she keeps going, “You know how he is, so they knew they had to take the fight from him. So they tortured him. They kept him drugged at least 75% of the time, he would go without food or water for as long as it was possible. They messed with his head before they experimented on him.”

“What kind of experiments?” Logan asks.

“There’s one that stuck out,” she says, “He was drugged and he hadn’t eaten in a week, and there was, you, Scott. He saw you. You were there and you told him that the X-Men had found him and that you were there to get him but you had to move fast. And so he went, and Scott, you were like the sun. In the state of mind he was in he would have followed you to the end of the world.”

Scott’s stoic facial expression doesn’t falter, “continue,” he says.

“And so there he goes, following who he thinks is Scott Summers whilst thinking of other things I’m not going to mention, and sure enough it was a mind trick and when you two get to a certain room you turn on him and you two go at it. But, you don’t stop, Scott. And you’re not making it hard. And he hears you yell things, some really nasty things about his past that you probably don’t even know about. And he’d been drugged not too long before this. So he kills you.”

“Was there actually someone?” Logan asks. Emma nods.

“It was someone. After that he’s staring down at you in disbelief when others come in and strap him to a table that had been ready for him. They were trying to find a way to implant something in him to gain external control over his powers.”

Logan frowns, “and it failed.  

Emma nods, “mostly. They managed to get it to work for a few trials and the explosions we investigated were caused by him but not directly. It was someone else throwing the cards. But the ones we’d find? That was him trying to leave a trail.”

Logan and Scott nod and Emma takes it as a sign to continue, “But then it started failing and the experiments got worse. It worked for the last explosion we investigated but with that he managed to get away from them. And he hid-”

“In the cabinet,” Scott finishes.

“Even without the fight in him,” Logan gives a nod of approval.

“That’s generally what happened. I won’t mention the details,” Emma shakes her head and rubs at her temples.

“So what’s with his powers then?” Logan asks as he turns to look at the doorway they had all come through, “are they gone?”

“I’m not sure. I couldn’t tell and he doesn’t know for sure. If anything he believes they’re still there, but just really weakened.”

“You can come in,” Logan calls out towards the doorway. In a split second the door opens and Remy comes through. Scott almost looks away. The man is sickly thin and pale and hardly resembles the man they all once knew.

“I want to see Anna,” Remy says in almost a whisper. Emma nods and she taps at the side of her forehead before responding.

“She’s on her way.”

“Thank you,” he continues moving towards the second entrance to the room that leads back to the mansion. An awkward silence falls until he finally exits.

“I need a team on this,” Scott says, “we need to find out who’s doing this and if they’ve got other mutants. I’ll call Bobby and see if he and I can-”

“About that,” Emma gives Scott an apologetic look, “Scott.”

Scott turns to face Emma, “Yes?”

“They took Remy, but that was because they couldn’t get _you_ alone. You were the initial target.”

The same heavy silence fills the room as Scott stares at the ground attempting to push his anger aside in order to come up with a proper plan.

“How do we know they won’t come here?” Logan gives Scott a stern look.

“No,” Scott objects. Logan hasn’t said anything but Scott already knows what he’s going to say, “no. I am going.”

“’Fraid not, Slim,” Logan shakes his head, “If they manage to get you? If they manage to control your powers when you can’t? No.”

Scott opens his mouth to continue to object when Emma cuts him off, “He’s right, Scott. And, realistically, you’re no good to us in that state,” she gestures to the doorway Remy had gone through.

Scott stares at them with a serious expression that borders on angry, “fine.”

 

* * *

 

A team is assembled and Scott and Remy are moved to a house Logan had built near the Canadian border. Remy had gone without question and Scott stands in front of the house with a legitimate frown on his face as he stares at Logan and Emma.

“Sorry, Scott,” Emma says with a slightly amused tone, “think of it as babysitting, only, without the baby.”

“I expect a full report on this doorstep within the next 36 hours,” Scott orders before he turns and steps towards the house.

  “And good luck,” Scott calls out without turning to them before he opens the door and steps in.


	2. When It All Comes Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly trudging through this. Shoutout to the sin squad and my friend Kirby for the huge help. 
> 
> As usual, no beta. So thanks in advance for reading.

Scott walks into the house and there’s an eerie sense of solitude that he doesn’t like within it. The air is colder and the lack of any proper decoration is unnerving. That, and his company isn’t exactly what Scott needs right now. Despite not being in his top 10 people to be stranded anywhere with, Scott knew that Remy wasn’t boring. He’d led an interesting enough life and was quirky enough to keep things lively until the rest of the team got back. However the person Scott is watching from the doorway was neither of those things.

The very little he’d said on their way to the house was proof enough. There’d been no random French words, no attitude in his tone, and he’d only responded when spoken to. Scott felt like there had been someone else with them. Not the same pompous ass that the team had come to see as an equal.

Scott frowns as he leans in the doorway and watches Remy’s sleeping form. The calming rising and falling of his chest irritates Scott. He shouldn’t be that way. He and Scott shouldn’t even be in a safe-house.

Scott had seen mutants being used before. He’d seen a good person be manipulated into hating themselves, into doing terrible things, but never had he seen a mutant be so objectified. They- whoever they were- Emma had called them The Order, they used Remy like a weapon. Putting it into a formal thought had Scott gripping the edge of the doorway harder than he should have.

He turns back and walks back out the door. His team is gone and he starts off towards a stream of pine trees and snow that is somehow more welcoming than the house. He’s about twenty feet from the house when he realizes that he had left no warning that he would be out of the house. He didn’t understand Remy’s current state of mind but the fact that Anna didn’t want to go on the mission to stay with them put Scott slightly on edge. What had happened that Emma hadn’t told them?

With a small grunt Scott turns back and heads once again to the house. He steps in and the atmosphere is as dead as it was when he had left. As he steps through the small kitchen he finds himself once again at the small doorway into the living room. Remy still sits on the small sofa, only this time his knees are bent up against his chest and he’s got a pad in his lap. Scott hears the light scratching of a pen as he steps into the living room. They make eye contact but neither says a word.

Scott moves towards the corner of the room where he’d left his things and proceeds to look for the file of this particular case. As he digs through trying to find where he’d stashed the folder the silence begins to weigh. He clears his throat before speaking.

“Do you remember the time Charles convinced everyone to take a day off?”  
  
“No,” it comes from behind Scott in what was practically a soft whisper. It makes Scott uncomfortable.

“No? He’d made Logan drive everyone to the beach? You offered to make everyone lunch and you brought candles and wine?” Scott doubts that anyone doesn’t remember how outrageous that entire day had been. With Bobby freezing parts of the ocean for the kids to a lot of them getting drunk off their faces, it had been a memorable day.

“No,” there had been no change in tone. Scott had stopped searching for the file and turned around, watching the other man curiously.

“Really? We all got drunk and you wandered under the pier and didn’t come out, so they sent me to go get you and-” Scott stops short at the memory before turning back to search for the file.

“I said no, Scott,” the words cut at Scott and he’s not entirely sure why.  
  


* * *

 

Scott lies on the same sofa that Remy had sat on a few hours ago. It was the only thing inside the small living room aside from a crate that was used as a makeshift table. He stares up at the ceiling and listens to the noises coming from outside the house. The moonlight gives the room a bluish glow that helps set Scott’s mood. He doesn’t feel like thinking, he’s done too much of that. He just hopes that the team is making progress.

He’s half asleep when a noise startles him awake and he’s out into the kitchen in a second. He stares forward at the cabinets as his eyes adjust to the darkness beneath his glasses. The kitchen is seemingly empty and Scott has nearly turned around when he hears a hitched breath. He spins around again and looks down in the direction the sound had come from. Remy’s on the ground sitting against a door that led to a larger pantry space.

“Are you okay?” Scott asks as he moves around the counter.

“Yeah. Just slipped,” Remy’s voice hasn’t been raised an octave since he last spoke with Scott. His accent is only vaguely there and he’s almost speaking in a monotone.

“Here,” Scott reaches out to take the hand that Remy raises. The man is much lighter than he should be and the facility of the action worries Scott. The two sit on stools across from each other on the counter.

“Can’t sleep?” it’s the first time that Remy has directed himself towards Scott since they had found him.

“No,” Scott lies. He considers various possible responses and then thinks of his own responses to that.

“Me neither,” Remy’s voice fades at the final syllable. It wasn’t in the list of responses that Scott had prepared for.

“Coffee?” Scott tries and Remy nods. It doesn’t take Scott long enough to get the generator in the kitchen working in order to heat some water. He digs through the supply bags as the water heats and frowns at the lack of any dairy products. When he finally pours the two mugs he slides one over along with a bag of sugar and a spoon.

“We didn’t pick up any milk or creamer, sorry, I know how you-” Scott gets cut off.

“It’s okay. I didn’t want any.”

Scott watches Remy take a sip of black coffee, something the man he once knew had never done. He watches dark eyes flutter shut as if there was true peace behind them.

Something in Scott’s chest aches.  
  


* * *

 

 The report arrives in due time. Scott had imagined he would be headed back with his team but a note in Logan’s messy scrawl told him that it would be another week in the safe house. Instead of heading back to the mansion, Scott spends the remainder of the week analyzing it and comparing it against various other cases of missing mutants he’s known of. None come close to this. It drives Scott mad. When the details of the mission the team had gone on begin twisting in Scott’s head he finally comes out of the small bedroom and back into the remainder of the house.

 It hits him then that he isn’t the only one in the house and a wave of guilt rushes through him as he steps through the small kitchen and back into the living room. He finds Remy asleep on the small sofa again. Scott wonders if that’s all he did now. Another wave of an emotion he can’t name passes him.

As he steps by he takes a seat in the single chair and peers out the window.

“Find what you were looking for?”

Scott’s attention is drawn back to the man sitting up on the small couch and he nearly chokes on his own breath. There’s something of a smile on Remy’s face but it’s nothing like what his smiles used to be. There are deep darkened bags under his already dark eyes and the hollow in his cheeks give him a practically demonic look. It almost pains Scott to look at when he reminds himself of how well Remy used to present himself. There’s a light rasp in Remy’s voice that makes Scott’s stomach twist slightly.

Scott frowns, “I think so. I have to wait for Logan to report back again, though.”

“Hm,” Remy’s dark eyes meet Scott’s for a moment before looking back down. Something clicks in Scott’s mind from when he had been looking at the files.

“What do you remember?” Scott asks, ready to take mental notes.

“About?” Remy asks, not looking up at Scott.

“Everything,” Scott answers, “before this, during, everything.”

Remy shrugs, “there are bits and pieces of memory. Then bits and pieces of emotion. I can’t piece them together.”

Scott raises an eyebrow under his sunglasses, “You remembered Anna.”  
  
Remy shakes his head, “I remember her name and an emotion. There was no face or actual memories until recently.”

“You remembered your time with her when you saw her?”  
  
Remy shakes his head again, “No.”

“Okay,” Scott considers his next words, “What memories do you remember then?”

There’s a few moments of silence before Remy responds, “’They’re all over the place. Though I remember a thief more often than not.”

“You,” Scott says softly.

“No.”

Scott feels his stomach drop as he replies, “You were a thief before all of this. You ran this thing called the Thieves Guild. You were good,” Scott looks down and gives a small chuckle, “Forget I ever said that last thing.”

“Okay.”  
  
The small smile on Scott’s face fades as soon as he looks up again. Remy’s leaning over the side of the sofa and picking up the sketch pad from the ground. He seems disinterested in what Scott is talking about and Scott feels his stomach twist further. He watches in silence as Remy takes a pen from the desk and begins scratching at the pad again. Scott turns back to the window.

For a few moments there’s only the furious sound of the pen scratching against the paper. Scott begins considering ways to try and jog Remy’s memory back. He knows there has to be a way to get back the old Remy.

“So what was I like?”  
  
Scott’s head turns back to the small sofa in a flash and for a moment he considers his words.

“Interesting.”  
  
“That doesn’t tell me much,” Remy frowns before turning back to the pad in his lap.

“Uh, in a few words, confident, arrogant, impulsive to the point where it was self-destructive,” Scott dwells on the last word for a moment, “charming.”

“Sounds like fun,” Remy doesn’t look back up at Scott.  
  
“It was.”  
  
The two remain in silence for a few moments and Scott’s not sure as to whether he should turn back to the window or just leave.

“We still have any of the candy left?”

Scott looks up from the ground and shrugs, “I’m not sure,” he takes this as the sign he was looking for. He goes out and searches the cabinets. He finds the open package of licorice and takes it back to the living room. Remy raises his arms and catches the package when it’s tossed in his direction.

 “Thank you.”

“You know, the old you’s favourite candy was gummy worms,” Scott notes.

“Oh,” there’s a hint of resentment in Remy’s tone.  
  


* * *

 

 The next time Scott sees the team is when Logan and Emma come to report back on their findings. Scott and Remy have been at the safe house for nearly a month.

“You can’t come back just yet, Slim,” Logan says as he hands Scott another set of files.

“We’re getting a lot of intel from this lead, Scott. This could be it. As soon as we find out who it is we’re hunting, you can come back,” Emma gives Scott what’s supposed to be a supportive shoulder squeeze.

Scott gives a nod of understanding and concludes the meeting. He watches Logan and Emma fade away into the trees before turning back to the house.

Over the next few weeks Scott notices a series of differences between the man that used to prance around the mansion and the one that sits across from him. Remy can’t cook like he used to, he doesn’t like the same things he used to, and he’s got a caffeine addiction that he’d never had. Scott mentions it to Remy each time, hoping that something will jog his memory and he’ll reply in French.

“You’re sure you don’t want anything to put in the coffee?” Scott asks, gesturing to the sugar in the centre of the counter top.

“This is fine,” the resentment in Remy’s voice is obvious.

“I’m only bringing it up because-”   
  
“I know what you’re doing, Scott.”  
  
Scott’s eyebrows raise from beneath his glasses. It’s the first time Remy has raised his voice higher than a monotone.

“Don’t take it the wrong way- ”

“Then how should I take it?! You’re trying to see if anything’ll bring back the old me- the- whoever the hell was here before I was!” Remy hasn’t moved and Scott’s eyes flicker to the hand that’s inside the mug handle. No charge. Scott’s almost disappointed.

“You’re still you,” Scott argues.

“You don’t get it do you, Summers?! Whoever it was you knew- I’m not that person. I’m not him, I can’t be him, and I won’t be him!”  
  
“It’s not that it’s just-”  
  
“You want things to be the way things were. And you think I don’t?!” Remy leans forward in his stool and Scott nearly looks away from the broken man.

“Let me finish,” Scott says in a gentle tone. He takes the next moment of silence as a sign, “it’s not that I don’t appreciate that you’re back, because I do. I’m very glad you’re back. But you’re missing a lot of your memories. And I know the old-”

Scott stops speaking when Remy stands and leaves the kitchen. Scott watches him go before looking back at the mug on the counter. It’s cracked. Scott stands and follows Remy outside. Scott stands on the porch as he watches Remy struggle in a foot of snow.

“Where are you going!?” Scott yells from the doorway. Remy doesn’t respond. Scott mentally kicks himself before rushing out into the snow in only his pajama bottoms.

“Remy! Remy, wait!” Scott trudges forward as best he can. He reaches Remy fairly quickly and puts a hand on the other man’s shoulder. Remy turns around and Scott can see the hurt on his face. Remy furrows his eyebrows before speaking.

“Are you going to try and kiss me now?”

“What?” Scott stables himself in a standing position in the snow.

Remy outstretches his arms, “you know, like in fairy tales? You think that might jog my memories?”

There’s a desperation in Remy’s voice that makes Scott unsure as to whether he was being serious or not. Scott looks at the hand that’s still on Remy’s shoulder before looking forward into Remy’s dark eyes. Something sparks inside Scott’s head and he considers the option. He guesses that despite not being able to remember much, Remy’s instincts are still the same. And sending him on a mission to steal something isn’t an option right now.

In seconds Scott’s adjusted himself so he can better grip the sides of Remy’s face. He hears a small gasp right before he sees Remy’s eyes flutter closed and Scott hopes for the best.

And it’s wrong. All wrong.

The set of dry lips against Scott’s don’t mesh, they don’t move against Scott’s like he knows they should. Scott backs away and he can still feel the feeling of the forced awkward kiss against his lips.

“Anything?? Scott asks. Remy frowns and shakes his head slowly.

“I’m sorry,” Scott says genuinely, “I- We should head back inside.”

Remy shrugs and begins moving past Scott back towards the house. Scott watches him move slowly and almost weakly as a heavy feeling sets in Scott’s stomach. He follows Remy back to the house.

Scott enters the house a few minutes after Remy had walked in. There’s a heavy silence in the house that only begins to fade as Scott approaches the living room again. The sound of a pen furiously scratching against paper is almost like a calling. Scott can’t stand the silence anymore.

Remy doesn’t look up from the pad as Scott passes him in the living room.

Scott sits back in the chair near the window and focuses his attention on a tree that is closest to the window. He stares at the branches in hopes of finding an answer to the questions that are swirling in his head and making his stomach tighten. He doesn’t’ know how long he stares at the tree when Remy’s voice distracts him from the urge to throw up.

“I’m sorry, too.”  
  
“For what?” Scott responds too quickly.

“Everything. For letting myself get caught- for taking you away from your team. For putting you through this,” Remy’s stopped drawing. He stares at Scott with slightly widened eyes.  
  
“I don’t-“ Scott doesn’t turn away from the window. He stops speaking the second he hears Remy’s voice.  
  
“I’ve lost what’s made me, me, Scott. I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at me like you’re expecting something that I can’t give,” Remy hasn’t looked away.

Scott turns to meet the other’s dark eyes and gives a small sigh, “You don’t owe me anything, you shouldn’t be sorry for anything. You haven’t done anything.”

“I know. That doesn’t change the fact that there’s all this wrong with me-”  
  
Scott looks back to the tree outside the window. He furrows his eyebrows as he speaks, “there is  _nothing_  wrong with you.”  
  
Remy frowns and stares forward at Scott, “Look at me when you say that.”  
  
Scott turns back and takes a good look at the man sitting on the small sofa. The fading light from the window makes the bags under his eyes darker and the shadows in his sunken cheeks give him a sinister look. His hair has grown out past his shoulders and he appears to be getting thinner every day. Scott doesn’t recognize the man he’s looking at.  
  


* * *

 

Scott groggily forces himself to stand from the sofa. He doesn’t know what time it is but if the illuminated darkness outside is any sign, he assumes it’s nearing six in the morning. He doesn’t want to try sleeping anymore.

 He’s been like this since Logan and Kitty had come back to report. There were new leads almost every week and they absolutely needed Scott to stay put for a while longer. Scott wasn’t about to say no, however he was nearing the half year mark and he was itching to be back out with his team, or at least at the mansion. He saw Logan and Kitty a month ago.

 The lack of light had once made it hard for him to get onto the small path between the trees. Scott slowly makes his way past the nature, allowing the cold bitter air to nip at his face. He doesn’t mind, it’s something to feel. Every time he goes out he manages to find new ways to circle the house. He’s positive he took a walk in Canada at some point.

 When he returns to the house it’s as quiet as it’s ever been. He steps inside and the slight sense of worry he felt was relieved when he peered through the doorway of the living room and found Remy asleep on the small sofa again. Scott wonders if Remy gets any sleep at night. When he’s backed out of the doorway to the living room Scott turns the small generator on and looks through the provisions that Logan had last left them and manages to find things he could put together to make something edible.

 Scott downs the juice in the glass he’s holding before turning back to the doorway. He’d assumed that the noise he was making would have woken Remy up. He stands and walks into the living room and frowns.

 “Hey,” Scott says sternly. Remy responds almost immediately, his eyes flutter for a few seconds before he raises an arm to rub at one.

 “Mmm?” Remy asks before letting his arm rest over his eyes as he begins drifting back into sleep.

 “You haven’t eaten in three days,” Scott uses the same voice he commands the X-Men with.

 “Not ‘ungry, cher,” Remy only barely mumbles the words before Scott hears light snoring.

 Scott stands there for a moment, letting the words sink in before his mind gets to work on what it could mean. The random French. Scott went through his memories of the past months and Remy hadn’t even spoken any French. Scott wonders if Remy still thought in French. That could explain it.Then again, it could not.

 Scott doesn’t recognize the small grin on his face until the corners of his mouth fall back into a resting position.


End file.
